Berlusconi attempts to resign; discovers he doesn’t really exist
At the Palazzo Chigi in Rome on Tuesday, pint-sized Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was faced with the shocking revelation that he does not really exist, after multiple attempts to throw in the towel. In the midst of his country’s sovereign debt crisis, Berlusconi attempted to heed the wishes of the financial markets and resign. “I want to do the right thing for my country,” said Silvio. “But I am unable to do so, as it turns out I don’t really exist. I am just a Gestalt entity with an overactive libido” Some Italian intellectuals, who long suspected that Berlusconi was just a manifestation of the decadence of Italian culture, have finally been proved right. It seems that Berlusconi spontaneously emerged a few decades ago as a projection of Italy’s dark side and he has grown increasingly powerful as the national culture has succumbed to chauvinism, corruption and moral bankruptcy.
Salvatore Redentore, Professor of Social Studies at La Sapienza university attempts to explain how Berlusconi came about. “For many decades now, there have been two Italys living side by side. On the one hand, our country is seen as beautiful, warm and friendly, the home of the dolce vita. At the same time, however, there has been this decadence, selfishness and total lack of civility which are rotting the country from the inside. This is not the first case of a Gestalt spontaneously emerging in such extreme cases of national schizophrenia. In fact, we are currently working on a paper to demonstrate the hypothesis that Bush Jr was one such case.” Naturally, Italians have been shocked by the discovery that their Prime Minister does not actually exist and the implications for the future. For Silvio himself, however, there is some relief to be found. “Now that I am not real, I at least can no longer be prosecuted for sex with a minor. As I am a Gestalt, all of Italy fucked that girl.”